Monday, December 27, 2004

i can't believe this, in a room so cold,
you made me warm, and you touched my soul
my thoughts are blank, i can't think straight,
you made this talk worth all the wait
i locked you away, behind a door,
but here you are, in front of me once more.
so what can i do, other than this,
to tell you that i long for your kiss

-Anonymous

Alone @ 12/27/2004 02:45:00 AM

Sunday, December 26, 2004

haha..this few days veri fun!!lets start with 23rd dec..coz dats as far as i can remember..lolz

23rd December

Today...hmm...went carolling...den b4 dat..went to walk aroiund orchard to buy prezzy for jeffrey...coz its his bday!!!den ft carollin we went to celebrate..yilin bought him a log cake..icecream cake summore..eat until i full sia..den aft dat me,jeffrey,li fang,wan ting and a few others went walk walk around orchard rd..lo..lotz of ppl sia..den walk till 11 plus...parents came to fetch me..den went home..bt it was realli fun..and i got closer to jeffrey they all..dey are realli nice pple...i tink dey wuld make realli good frens :D..anyway..i gave jeff dis mr bean bear..lolz...dunno he like or nt..bt veri cute seh!!lolz..den veri squezabble :P

24th December

Christmas eve...was feelin a little down..dunno why...i guess coz it was nearly christmas..den din haf da feelin of wat shuld be during dis day...sighz...anyway morn..i was helping brandon and joel with their songs for syf..coz dey havent learn finish ma..and auditions coming le...so anyway...help them till roun 3 like dat..lolz...dey both cute sia..i tink need to upgrade to bass le..:P..den went to sleep awhile..den woke up at 5...shit!!!gonna be late for carolling..so rushed here rushed dere..den finally reached there as dey were doin warm ups..den oh shit!mr kwei dere..den i sheepishly go change and join dem..lol..luckily did warm ups le..budden still havent catch my breath frm all da rushing..so had a hard time singing properly...sian..lolz...den we went back to da lounge...den wanting gave me christmas card..shes so sweet manz..gave everyonez :D..den aft dat i was still a little down..den qiu qun asked me wats wrong and stuff..budden i oso dunno la...so just kept quiet..den i tink dey all pity me..den asked me to join dem for christmas party at yilin's house..so went there wif dem..haha..dey did made me feel beta tho...her house veri near my house..funny why nv see her around b4..anyway her house veri nice!!she have the whole attic to herself..and her own personal living room and balcony summore...den we had food and stuff at her balcony..den i was like sitting on her balcony dere..so shuang..for a moment i wished i culd stay dere forever...den it was like a mini commonwealth gathering..wif seniors like 7 yrs older than me dere too..and dey were like all friendly and everything..and it was a veri heartwarmin feelin to be wif them..dat closeness between da seniors and juniors were amazing..dey nv left out a single person..and dey realli cheered me up..budden i oni stay till 12 30 am ..den qiu qun and li yan walked me home..me and qq were like holding hands walkin home.She veri cute seh..say is her first time holding junior's hand..haha..den i reached home at round nearly 1 am..den dad open red wine..lol..my sis arz...weak onez..drink abit den whole face red le..i drank quite lots..bt face colour still nv change,...hehe..so den we wished everyone merry christmas..den dey all went to sleep..bt i culdnt sleep..coz its christmas!!!dis day gotta be special!!lol..so i watch movie..den aft dat..went to sleep at round 5 am..lolz..merry chrstmas too meeeeee...zzzzzz...

25th December

Merry christmas!!!lolz..woke up damn early manz...din sleep lotz..lol...budden still like no festive air like den..sian..den uncle gave me prezzy..lolz..a cute cute soft toy..and sea monkeys!!!lolz...cute sia dey all...small and tiny...den aft dat went out wif my family..den went to eat at ramen store at nite..my sis arz...veri ma fan...keep sayin wanna go home...pls lor.z..its christmas!!!lolz..den aft dat went home..den ask shauna come up and stay over..den we were like havin movie marthon..den watch shutter..bt aft first movie she peng le..lolz..me continue till da 2nd movie..den oso peng liao..my sis expert one...continue all da way till 8am..lolz..nw she peng le..

26 th december

Finally!!today!!lolz..oki..woke up..den found shauna gone le..lolz..muz be go home le la she..so aft dat went to eat..den bath..den went for consort..lol..today i on form..sing till veri shuang..:P..bt aft dat bad mood again..so i walked home..den sian..budden shauna called..ask me go dwn play...so okay lorz..reached home le..den went dwnstair talk talk wif them..den got to noe sommore ppl..like timothy and cheryl..haha..den we siao la..go playgrd tok tok..den play truth or dare..den gt some guys dat dat time wans my hp no. ..lol..we were like tiao-ing dem...den dey like tiao-ing us..den aft dat..timothy asked dem come play wif us..walau...dey sporting sia..den play until damn funny...hahaz..gt funny funny dares..den got one we asked them to kiss each other...walauz...veriii *goosebumps*!!lolz...bt was fun la..den mama called for me to go up and eat dinner..soo den went up..den go bath.nw talking to anita and theo..sighz..i still cant believe theo is like all da way in hk...manz..gonna miss dat guy...ahhh...shit!!internet connection d/c again..irritating sia..sigh..i tink hafta go find out da stupit prob again...den aft dat gonna post dis super long entry...haha..anyway ppl..happi new yr yea??lurve ya guys!!!

Alone @ 12/26/2004 11:55:00 PM

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

lolz...very long din blog le...sian la...nuthing goin on anyway...lolz..today woke up...went out wif charissa...then go bkt panjang to walk walk...den aft dat shauna and vanessa ask me go out with them to west mall shopping...then go imm there to repair hp...budden there close le..so futile trip..hai wo walk so far...leg pain sia...haha..too bad not enough time otherwise go arcade wif shauna le...then went to meridien hotel there for carolling..today everybody nt in good condition sia..cant sing properly dunno why...must be the weather..after dat we went to our lounge (we actually have a room to ourselves!!!) then changed out...then aft that qiu qun they all started talking and advicing me bout some stuff..they funni sia..so we started talking and stuff..aft dat went home.i think they went to eat ba...i saw dis realli nice mesh cap...bt veri ex...so i dun think im buyin...i wan cap,pouch and sunglasses manz..:P (hint hint!!) Then after that vanessa came up to borrow belt..i was like ransacking all my mom's belt manz..she got damn lot..budden dunno where she put la..so at da end van juz took my black belt...

today bought this realli nice heart shped pink ring for lynn..her bday comin le..dunno when to give her tho...then my maid see le liked it alot..then she ask me buy blue colour onez for her..lolz...then jeffrey's bday comin too..dunno wat to give him sia..lolz..hmm...now headache sia..sian..i tink i goin bath first.. veri sticky..:P..oh ya..theo is stayin in hk to study..manz..i din see him off dat time..now i prob wun get to see him again...sighz...feelin guilty...anyway i tink he'll do fine there tho...manz..realli havin a terrible headache..hmwk nt done...project nt done too..headache!!it seems like i have sumthing goin on tml mornin bt i dunno wat lerz..lolz..nvm nvm..i go bath le...otherwise i'll stink up dis whole place manz..:P okayz den...smell ya guys later!

Alone @ 12/21/2004 11:26:00 PM

Monday, December 20, 2004

once there was a girl who had a very beautiful handcrafted boomerang.at first,she din like it that much..to her it was just another toy..but then she found out..the boomerang is not like any other toy..when she threw it,it will always return to her.so everyday she would play with her boomerang and everyday her feelings for it became deeper.the boomerang was her source of joy when she was sad,something to throw and vent her frustrations on when she was angry,or just to keep her company when she was bored..but no matter what she do to it,it will always fly back to her.So everyday she threw it futher and futher,and every little frustration she bottle inside her would be vent on throwing the boomerang.but still,it return,seeming to be telling her that " no,i wont leave you,no matter what you do to me."So it became her most dependable friend and company,and she loved it so much,although sometimes she would get bored of it and played instead with other toys.But to her,her boomerang was the most precious one of all.

One day,however,she threw the boomerang too far.And it din return.She ran after it,desperate to get it back,but she couldnt find it.She looked and looked...but it was no where to be found..in despair,she kneeled on the floor and cried..and cried..she regretted throwing it,but the boomerang would not fly back.for the next few days..she felt empty,having lost her precious boomerang,her source of joy and fun..she walked around trying to find a new toy to play with,but none gave her the happiness and laughter that the boomerang once gave.As the days went by,she began to adapt to the loneliness and emptiness she felt,but she had lost that once bright cheerfulness she had.She kept herself busy playing with other toys,and tried to look for another boomerang,but nothing can make her forget her precious boomerang.So everyday she waited and waited,hoping that the boomerang would fly back to her hands.She told herself,"if it ever comes back,this time i'm gonna take good care of it,i'm not gonna let it go again." but at the same time,she knew that it may never come back..and that it might have already been caught by someone else..or probably it's still lying somewhere,waiting to be found or maybe,its still in its course from the throw...but whatever happens..her feelings for the boomerang would never change,even if she had gotten a new one..and if it comes back this christmas..it will be the best present she had ever gotten or ever will have.

"If it is meant to be,it would come back.But if it was not,no matter how hard you look you'll never find it."

Have a Merry christmas everyone...

Alone @ 12/20/2004 01:20:00 AM

Thursday, December 16, 2004

Images fleeted before my eyes
Memories flashed inside my mind
Feelings erupted burning cinder flesh
Lava flowed down ashes cone

Broken pieces can be mend
Shattered pieces cannot be found
Cracked porcelain not able to hold
Scarred faces cannot be healed

Life a keeping with the dark
Sleep be lover's tender arm
Love if sun does not rise
Lone if moon does not set

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Today went to alot of lessons sia...first theory,then piano...then singing..sighz..guess wat?My school merged with play music and they have a recording studio!!!so excited manz...finally can try recording in a studio..its gonna be soo fun..and prob have new songs to sing!!!yay!!actually was thinking about switching to ocean butterflies music forest...budden..i feel bad...after sxcaven have put so much and taught me so much..sighz..bt arz..me mom say onez...so still dunno..heard that veri hard to get into music forest tho...and sch fees veri ex..hehe..budden..nvm see first la...i was walking along orchard just now...then observing wat ppl wear and stuff..wonder how they get all those funky hip hop-py clothes..i wan a hat!!so the respect ME adidas mesh cap!!so nice!!i wanna haf that!!but not available in SG le...nvmm,...wait for i to come here..lolz..nowadays always listening to hip hop,rock and heavy metal...starting to kena influence le...actually rock veri nice!!hip hop is even nicer!!woohoo!!hip hop rulez manz...i lurve my dancing class..too bad next week no more...starting on 3rd of jan..nvm..next yr go again!!haha..i today headache sia..i tink goin to off comp and enjoy aircon..wanna pack my stuff...catcha peeps later!

luv ya!

Alone @ 12/16/2004 02:19:00 AM

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

3 am in the morning...i found out that at this time..everything seemed so peaceful and in tune with everything..especially when i step out on my balcony..hear the sound of running water..look up to the star dotted sky..seeing everything quieten and calming down from the buzz of the day..it just dat time during the day when everything feels right..and whenever i feel lonely..i just haf to look and see which household still has their lights on..somehow it'll help to know that someone is still awake too...And i would think about the many things..and..i just feel that everything would be alright..that might explain why i like staying up so late in the night ba...anyway i still havent forgotten wat shannon once told me..let the stars guide you..well..sounds stupid but hey..it really works..some ppl say that the stars are like mystical beings in the sky..guiding you,just like the north star,polaris..and at this point of time..i would have a sudden urge to go down my house and take a walk..or prob sit by the pool,to just close my eyes and let evrything drain out..Especially after a tiring day like today...

Woke up in the morning to go sch meet comm..then aft dat helped desmond to complete the soundtrack thing..yay!finally its gonna be ready for submission tml..wish them luck!i muz admit tho..its quite good..hoep the would win somthing back hehe...then after dat took bus to my father office in paya lebar..the bus ride damn long sia..i was practically sleeping on the bus..then reach already began helping to do this dat this dat..until 11:30 then we left..then we went 7 eleven buy haaggen daz (however you spell it) icecream..veri gao xiao...we all saw 7 eleven and shouted almost simultaneously "hey!!!7 elevn!!" funny sia...then aft dat reached home at ard 12..then ate dinner..lol..i think no one eat dinner as late as us onez..then my sis arz..hooked to hk tv serials..watch until cant stop..so i went to bath..i tink i abit tired la...was sleeping in toilet lo...:P..then i came out..and completed the emcee script then send to ms loh..then nothing to do le so write blog..lolz..bt realli..now the atmosphere veri shuangs...so quiet and peaceful...:)

i tink i go chat with my dear anita le...later she lonely lol...ending here...update tml again..

Muacks!!

Alone @ 12/15/2004 02:50:00 AM

Monday, December 13, 2004

Hahah....today i nt veri gd mood..but i'm feeling better already!!!thanks to all who helped!!!

This morning i woke up...actually i was suppose to go to work in my dad's office...but because Jiahao ask me to help him do the soundtrack for his mini movie..so i had to go to school instead.Once i reach there,i went to look for them in the library.So then we watch the video...then we went down to the hall to compose song for the video...so blah blah blah..that took up all my time till 5 45..then after that i needta go to orchard for dance.So i took 105 from sch coz i tot can reach john little.But then..it didnt reach there...but i mage to reach far east plaza the behind...then when i reach there..it was already 6 5 2!!!!!!ahhhh!!!im gonna be late..so i walk and walk all the way to john little as fast as i can...budden i still late la..then i missed the warmups...so then we started dancing...then muscle cramp..ouch...but after awhile okay le...so we started dancin and dancin..today's dance so cool manz!!!then i down dere so shuangz...sweat it all out..then can be abit violent oso..hehee...vent frustration sia...budden veri douglas din come...then i down there no fren fren...bt nvm!!i still enjoyed...then after dat i went home...i was walking to the mrt..then there was this guy frm my class suddenly caught up to me and tok to ...so we tok tok tok...then i found out...hes from vjc!!!!!!!hahaha...so started toking about vjc..and stuff..he veri clever le...from RI sommore..haha...then after dat ...we had to change mrt to go in diff direction..so say bye bye lo...then i took mrt...and listen my mp3 at the same time..i tink i turn on the vol till veri loud...coz i cant even hear the mrt sound..haha..so aft i reach bukit batok..i went to west mall walk walk awhile..then went up to yellow to buy ear stud.saw the yellow shop ah jie there..then she ask me how come so long nv go there..haha..so aft dat tok awhile..then say bye bye then i go...when i reach the bus stop...i saw the back of dis guy...then i thihk...eh...he look veri familiar...but nvm...so i continue to walk to the bus stop and listen to my mp3..aft dat the bus came..then i saw dat guy comin up too..i had an uncanny feelin of hu he is...budden i eyesight veri poor la...so i just ignored dat feelin..then i saw my hp..got one miss call from eugene...so when we got down the bus..eh realli him arz!!so we talk talk awhile...then i tried to make him jealous by showin him my konoha hp chain!!lol...he still say wun jealous...then i take out that time suddenly say "oh...i dun wan see le!"..lolz..then continue tokin bout naruto...aft dat we got on the lift...den got this awkward silence...budden den reach his level le..so...okay le..sighz..need time..need time..still my stand remains...you happi jiu gou le..be true to yourself...

heh!!dun tok bout dat le...i promise im gonna finish my hmwk by dis week!!well at least cept for bio thesis...lolz..tml needta go sch..again...haha..later my sis scold me again...for not going to my dads office with her...lolz...now i multi-tasking sia...tokin to eric on the phone,then chatting to desmond,jiahao,shixuan and juit lian...lolz...shi xuan gao xiao sia...always say i 3some...lolz...hmm..anyway..i tink i cannot multitask for so long..so stop writing here le...bless be ppl!!!wish me hapi and ppl ard me happin too!!!

Lurve ya muacks!

ps.When you need me i'll be there....

Alone @ 12/13/2004 10:19:00 PM

Sunday, December 12, 2004

Evrything happens for a reason...it happens to enrich ur life..no matter how painful it is..it teaches you somthing...eveything that happen would,in one way or another change your life in some ways..

I just talked to him today..this time i was calm..[unlike the previous times i was crying and upset and..well...not thinking straight...].and i was thinking properly..so i tried again..i tried to find out why..i tried make him give us another chance..but his mind was set..even tho i had an uncanny feeling that he wasn't happi..in fact...hes not sure of wat to feel..hes trying to block it out of his mind..bcoz he doest want to trust anymore..he doesnt wanna care..coz frens and relationship come and go..and the day it leaves..it gave him nuthing bt pain..so why suffer when you can enjoy the carefree-ness of being independent?...now ppl might ask...how do i noe dis...i've been thru it b4..it seems to me that i've switch characters with him..b4 our relationship...i was the one not trusting ppl..i was the one enjoyin the freedom and being independent..bcoz of some experiences i had b4,i was convince that theres no one cept ur family that would realli care and be there for you...and i hate the pain of ppl leaving me..but he showed me i was wrong..he gave me love..more than i can ever ask for..and care..slowly..my mindset changed...i was slowly beginning to think dat my thinking was wrong..slowly and surely i gave in to his love and care..and started to depend on him more..bt then..my headstrong-ness hurt him...i gave him pain in return for his care..and on top of that..his friendship with his frens started to drift apart..without anyone there..he slowly see the pain of not being independent...so he began to change his mindset..he was determine to change himself..to not ever depend on anyone dat much dat it would hurt him..and thats when i started to apologise and ask for a patch..bt it was too late..he was too hurt..he would not allow anyone to hurt him again...and he cut me away from his life..he refused to think..cause it would cause him pain..at first it was hard..bt by not thinking bout it...things would be much easier...and by not caring..things would be even easier to manage..thats why no matter how i beg him..he wont take me back..i really noe..i really noe how he feels..bcoz thats how i felt too..but as time pass by wat do i get?even tho i have frens..bt by nt trusting..the loneliness of not having goodfrens came to me..but he was there..he made me see the happiness of depending on someone..of having good frens..so i began to change too..to start trusting again..so wat i wanna say is dat..i became a happier person..than i was when i was independent..so please dont change..trust me..ive been there..its not happy..even tho i dun have the hurt that i suffer when i trusted ppl,bt neither do i have the happiness..in life...theres always a price to pay for somthing good in your life..so stay the way you are..you'd be happier than wat ur trying to change into now..please dont change bcoz of the pain..bt stay as wat u were and learn..dat way u would be happier..im not asking you to take me back..i just hope you'd be happier..im thankful that i met you..im thankful u made me a happier person..im thankful dat bcoz of you..i began to trust my frens..and im thankful that my frens gave me another chance..bt i hope you dun exchange your happiness for mine..i hope u stay the way you are..and see the good u haf done to the ppl ard you..you are a wonderful person..im not the angel that changed your life...but you are the angel that changed my life and the ppl around you...thats was wat i wanted to tell you on the phone..but couldnt bring myself too..i hope you can come thru and see dat u were the best thing that happen to me..it doest hurt anymore...realli..and i hope urs doesnt too...

like i've said..everything happens for a reason..you happen to bring me out of my pain..and i hope to bring u too now..out of your pain..but if i cant..i hope that someone would do it for me..probably we break so that someone can bring u too out of you pain,as how u brought me out..thank u for everything..if you need me..i'll be there..no matter wat u cease to believe...

thank you god..for a beautiful lesson you have given me..and thank you,eugene toh..

Alone @ 12/12/2004 10:59:00 PM

Monday, December 06, 2004

you said you wont leave me even if the sky fell down..but guess wat..it fell down and u still leave me..

Alone @ 12/06/2004 01:18:00 AM

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

i dunno whether you or anyone for dat matter will see this or not...but this is wat i realli wanted to say...im sorry for everything i've done..its too late for regrets bt my heart just keeps saying it my fault its my fault..i cant let go...bcoz i noe wat ive done was the cause of it...it wuld be easier to if u had told me u like another gal..but u din..im sorri i broke my promise..i still cry every nite...i culdnt help it..if theres anything i can do to turn back time,i wuld..if theres anything i can do to cahnge ur mind i wuld..but rite now..things wuld just be like dat..and i guess theres nothing i can do..i realli hope u'll be happi..even if i had to exchange my happiness just to take away ur sorrows i,i will do it..

Say goodbye...

In the years to come
Will you think about these moments that we shared
In the years to come
Are you gonna think it over
And how we lived each day with no regrets
Nothing lasts forever though we want it to
The road ahead holds different dreams for me and you
Sometimes goodbye, though it hurts in you heart
Is the only way for destiny
Sometimes goodbye, though it hurts
Is the only way now for you and me
Though its the hardest thing to say
I'll miss your love in every way
So say goodbye
But don't you cry
'Coz true love never dies
In a year from now
Maybe there'll be things we'll wish we never said
In a year from now
Maybe we'll see each other
Standing on the same street corner, no regrets
Each and every end is always written in the stars
If only I could stop the world, I'd make this last
Sometimes goodbye (sometimes goodbye), though it hurts in you heart
Is the only way for destiny (is the only way for destiny)
Sometimes goodbye (sometimes goodbye), though it hurts
Is the only way now for you and me (is the only way for you and me)
Though its the hardest thing to say
I'll miss your love in every way
So say goodbye (so say goodbye)
But don't you cry
'Coz true love never dies
And when you need my arms to run into
I'll come for you
Nothing will ever change the way I feel
Sometimes goodbye (sometimes goodbye), though it hurts in you heart
Is the only way for destiny (is the only way for destiny)
Sometimes goodbye (sometimes goodbye), though it hurts
Is the only way now for you and me (is the only way for you and me)
Though its the hardest thing to say
I'll missing your lovin' every day
So say goodbye
But don't you cry
Because a true love never dies

Alone @ 12/01/2004 05:12:00 PM