Evrything happens for a reason...it happens to enrich ur life..no matter how painful it is..it teaches you somthing...eveything that happen would,in one way or another change your life in some ways..

I just talked to him today..this time i was calm..[unlike the previous times i was crying and upset and..well...not thinking straight...].and i was thinking properly..so i tried again..i tried to find out why..i tried make him give us another chance..but his mind was set..even tho i had an uncanny feeling that he wasn't happi..in fact...hes not sure of wat to feel..hes trying to block it out of his mind..bcoz he doest want to trust anymore..he doesnt wanna care..coz frens and relationship come and go..and the day it leaves..it gave him nuthing bt pain..so why suffer when you can enjoy the carefree-ness of being independent?...now ppl might ask...how do i noe dis...i've been thru it b4..it seems to me that i've switch characters with him..b4 our relationship...i was the one not trusting ppl..i was the one enjoyin the freedom and being independent..bcoz of some experiences i had b4,i was convince that theres no one cept ur family that would realli care and be there for you...and i hate the pain of ppl leaving me..but he showed me i was wrong..he gave me love..more than i can ever ask for..and care..slowly..my mindset changed...i was slowly beginning to think dat my thinking was wrong..slowly and surely i gave in to his love and care..and started to depend on him more..bt then..my headstrong-ness hurt him...i gave him pain in return for his care..and on top of that..his friendship with his frens started to drift apart..without anyone there..he slowly see the pain of not being independent...so he began to change his mindset..he was determine to change himself..to not ever depend on anyone dat much dat it would hurt him..and thats when i started to apologise and ask for a patch..bt it was too late..he was too hurt..he would not allow anyone to hurt him again...and he cut me away from his life..he refused to think..cause it would cause him pain..at first it was hard..bt by not thinking bout it...things would be much easier...and by not caring..things would be even easier to manage..thats why no matter how i beg him..he wont take me back..i really noe..i really noe how he feels..bcoz thats how i felt too..but as time pass by wat do i get?even tho i have frens..bt by nt trusting..the loneliness of not having goodfrens came to me..but he was there..he made me see the happiness of depending on someone..of having good frens..so i began to change too..to start trusting again..so wat i wanna say is dat..i became a happier person..than i was when i was independent..so please dont change..trust me..ive been there..its not happy..even tho i dun have the hurt that i suffer when i trusted ppl,bt neither do i have the happiness..in life...theres always a price to pay for somthing good in your life..so stay the way you are..you'd be happier than wat ur trying to change into now..please dont change bcoz of the pain..bt stay as wat u were and learn..dat way u would be happier..im not asking you to take me back..i just hope you'd be happier..im thankful that i met you..im thankful u made me a happier person..im thankful dat bcoz of you..i began to trust my frens..and im thankful that my frens gave me another chance..bt i hope you dun exchange your happiness for mine..i hope u stay the way you are..and see the good u haf done to the ppl ard you..you are a wonderful person..im not the angel that changed your life...but you are the angel that changed my life and the ppl around you...thats was wat i wanted to tell you on the phone..but couldnt bring myself too..i hope you can come thru and see dat u were the best thing that happen to me..it doest hurt anymore...realli..and i hope urs doesnt too...

like i've said..everything happens for a reason..you happen to bring me out of my pain..and i hope to bring u too now..out of your pain..but if i cant..i hope that someone would do it for me..probably we break so that someone can bring u too out of you pain,as how u brought me out..thank u for everything..if you need me..i'll be there..no matter wat u cease to believe...

thank you god..for a beautiful lesson you have given me..and thank you,eugene toh..

Alone @ 12/12/2004 10:59:00 PM